Keep it Complicated

When my babies were babies, I held them for their naps. There was this overwhelming sense of time passing faster than I could absorb the moment. And so when the moment slowed down...I soaked it up. I knew that one day I would long for afternoons with a sleeping baby in my arms and a toddler snuggled close. My mom used to call them my little cats. Piled all over mama...someone usually nursing. She said it with disdain...like I should put those babies down and get something done. Dishes, dust, and laundry waited. And we survived.

Now they are bigger. Nobody naps (except mama). But it is a regular occurrence to find two or more kids piled up together reading, watching a movie, or even asleep at night. They reach out to one another to physically comfort and love. It's a reminder that all that time wasted... cultivated something.

And the stage of having little people on my hip and needing something nearly every moment is over. But that sense of time flying by is still present...maybe even more so. And dishes, dust, and laundry still wait.

I wish I was more methodical about housework. I wish I could systematically conquer clutter and mess. I wish I had this innate sense of everything having a place. I don't. And there is frustration at it. It is an endless task and I am operating outside of any natural skill set I have. It doesn't mean I can't and don't put effort into it. But it will always be an afterthought and never come instinctively.

Life would be easier. But easy isn't always better.

If I had to choose between the kind of mama, wife, and friend I am or the one whose kitchen and laundry room I envy....I would choose who I am. I would choose a mama who does picnics, and homemade birthday parties, field trips, and afternoons at the park. I would choose bonfires over bedtime and adventure over routine. I would choose a friend who will go grocery shopping with you on a whim at 10 pm and looks for ways to make you feel loved. I would choose a wife that is more concerned that our home be filled with art, music, and conversation then how clean the baseboards and windows are. And I would choose a wife that is passionate and filled up because she is spending her energy on things that give life and love to her and those around her.

Maybe there are women that can do it all. I can't. There are still dishes to do and laundry to fold...but it will not reduce me to tears or define me.

I have other things to do. Important things. I am going to pack snacks, put on a bathing suit and spend the afternoon at the pool with my kittens. I'll come home and make their favorite dinner and rush out the door to create and inspire and be part of something bigger than myself. And when the chaos quiets, I'll spend some time on the couch with my prince charming instead of in the kitchen cleaning.

Because I am that girl. And we like her. ♥