List

1. I love these people. 

They stick like glue to each other.  Right now they are playing mom and children. And hide and seek. And singing along to Taylor Swift. And making my heart melt. I love that they are so tight.

2. And we are are doing nothing today.
Spring Break. Cloudy day. Playing. Going to drag every blanket into the living room and watch movies all afternoon. In our pajamas. With popcorn. And lemonade. And maybe brownies.

3. But not tomorrow...or the next day.
We have big plans. We have movies to see, museums to explore, pottery to paint and we must find some water to play in...if the sun will cooperate. :)

4. Plus it's daddy's birthday week!

Wonder what mama has planned?!?

5. I'm making decronstructed enchiladas for dinner. 

They are my favorite. And so pretty. Not to mention yummy. 

6. We had the best weekend.

Fun birthday party. Date night that rocked. Seeing Aladdin on stage as a family. 


7. Little things making me so very happy. More content than in awhile.
Have I mentioned I love my new sunglasses? And lots of new music. Read some great books lately. Using my camera. Creating some distance between me and hard things. Dreaming. Embracing things I can't change. 

8. I know it must be spring (despite the clouds) because I feel the urge to picnic. Repeatedly. 

Some people clean. I picnic. Add to #3 springbreaktodolist. And I feel a picnic post...or two... coming soon.

Ever have one of those days where the voices of your critics are the loudest thing in your head? That would be today. And you know what I usually do? I usually try and explain myself. And justify. And apologize.

I know more than anyone that I feel things more intensely than most people. And I know that there has been a lot to feel lately. And I  know that there have been people along for this ride that have hung in there while I emotionally vomited on you. And then hid from you....only to come back up for air and do it again. You... I owe something to. But today is not for you either.

Today the negative nellies that I have on auto-play...you are not getting your explanation or justification or your apology today. Today I am cranking a totally irreverent but so fun cd from my prince charming. I am lovin these spectacular shades that I have waited my whole life to love so much. The only thing I am going to feel is the bass line. I am taking the long way home just to hear that song again.  And then I am going to get my tush in the kitchen and make the richest, most decadent meal I know how. And if that doesn't do the trick I am going to light a million candles and soak in the tub till I am part mermaid.

A Perfect Getaway

Several weeks ago mama was in need of a little break. After a lot of planning, adjusting, logistical miracles, and replanning, I ended up at this beautiful house on the Guadalupe River. And it was perfect.

I spent three days doing exactly what I was craving. There was a perfect balance of time alone, catching up with old friends and spending time with people I can't everyday. I made a new friend and connected with old ones.

I cooked food I love.

I took two cooking classes and learned way more than I thought I would.

I got lost. And lost again. And found my way.

I was still.

I did new things. I did my favorite things.

I dreamed and let go of some dreams.

I stayed up late.

I napped.

I soaked in the tub till I was prunny.

I read.

I used my camera to capture some absolutely stunning moments. Moments that felt painted just for me....

Incredibly indulgent few days.

I love things that are contradictions. And I cant help but consider it an adventure and a retreat all at once. Completely exciting and completely relaxing all at once. That's not an everyday thing.

But that was the point....

hovering steam

Indian Summer

I have a major case of wanderlust. I am restless. But for now we are firmly rooted here and instead of dreaming about all the things I wish were part of living in this city...I am going to be grateful for what I know I'd miss.

• Grandparents. It does takes a village and I am reminded daily that my kids are so very blessed to have everyday grandparents as part of their village. And I am blessed. We rarely pay a babysitter. We enjoy plenty of kid-free nights and I can get my hair done, have lunch with a girlfriend, and volunteer without worry of what I will do with my kids.
• Tribe. Friends that are the family we have chosen. Friends that we live life alongside and with. Not without effort...but totally worth it.
• Beach. And the opportunity to pick up the kids from school, stop by sonic happy hour and be on the beach in ten minutes....like yesterday.  Wind blowing, waves crashing, kids running free. Enjoying November in a tank top with sand between your toes.....

It really is FALL baby!

You know how last week I said I was back...and then wasn't? Well let's just pretend that I am not here two days in a row building expectation and such. Then I can do this again tomorrow....hopefully!

Had a great weekend. And for the first time since the last time, I am now going to complain about how hot it is here. Maybe I wouldn't take it so personally, except Old Navy insists on tormenting  me with sweater emails every few hours when they know good and well that we haven't seen 80 degrees before ten pm since...well I am not entirely sure ever.

But the most amazing thing happened on this first full week of fall...it is in the 70's. In fact we might not see 80 until tomorrow. Good thing a good portion of my week last week was dedicated to fall preparations. Here is what that looks like...

• Smelling & acquiring fall candles. In my head, fall smells like Vanilla Cinnamon Brule. And so does my house.

• Strategically placing garlands of fake fall leaves around my house. Only leaves my kids will see...

• Taking the Christmas wreath off my front porch and replacing it with a more appropriately themed one. Did I just admit that on a public blog? Yes but I blame the heat and mosquitos for the fact that the only time we spend outside all summer is to get in the air-conditioned car to go to another climate controlled environment. Leaving a pine and holly wreath up year round is a small price to pay for making sure my kids don't have a heat stroke or catch West Nile. That's my story.

• Researching soup recipes for this soup exchange party I am planning in my head. It's a great idea and you are going to want to come! Except it's not such a great idea that I am willing to orchestrate the whole thing and clean my house.... Who could I ask to clean their house host?


• Lastly but certainly not least....shopping for new jeans.

My favorite jeans were looking ridiculous besides the fact that I washed them in hot water three times and put them in dryer long enough that I probably could have bought two pair in electricity costs.

Because I hate jean shopping. There are five hundred brands. And then Low Rise. Ultra Low Rise. Regular. Short. Long. Stretch. Skinny. Boot Cut. Straight. And that is after I find the right size. Forget finish....

Generally I like being a curvy girl. Jean shopping sort of sucks that out of you....and I need them to fit well but not so well that I am paranoid about how I wash them. And then there are certain jeans that an almost-thirty-mama-to-four should just not wear. That would be anything with skinny on the tag....

Are you exhausted yet? I was. Then I hauled about 37 pairs to the dressing room and zipped and unzipped all while talking on the phone to avoid looking too closely at my reflection in the hideous-dressing-room-light-mirror. Turns out the first pair was the winner.

Actually I just got tired of zipping...

But I have jeans that I can go three steps without having to hike up. And I won't have a heat stroke when I drag prince charming on a picnic tonight to celebrate this weather!

Hiatus

It's no secret I have been absent from this place for too long. And I could give you a million reasons...but it all comes down to adjusting. Adjustment.

Adjusting to homeschooling, being a sahm, changes in relationships, and for the last nine days...being a single parent. J is in Georgia making magic happen for the RLF campus there.

And also adjusting what my vision for this blog is. I recently took some criticism for my blog...for my desire to share my heart. The messy, raw, uncensored version. And it has taken this long for me to feel at home again here. And I know what I want now. I want real, authentic, whole. I want you to see that even though I hold things together well, I am frayed at the edges. I want you to know that even though I am forgiven, I am still in need of His grace everyday...regardless of whatever position I hold or pedestal someone might put me on.

Does that mean I share everything? Absolutely not. It's not all mine to share.

So it's a journey of laughter, tears, crazy adventure, and four sets of toes in the sand. It's how I navigate this topsy-turvey-always-changing-thing we call our life.

Love that you are along for the ride. Love that many of you have made plans to hangout and do some art therapy tomorrow night!

Back in the groove....much more to come!

Finding my groove again...rambling style

• So this is day four of home schooling. And it turns out that despite my fears of being with my children 24 hours a day... I really like them.

• I do miss doing this with other grown-ups. In a school there are other teachers right next door, parent volunteers, music & art teachers. Lunch breaks. There is built-in adult conversation....all through the day...everyday.

• The trade-off is that we have PE at the beach, read on the couch in our pj's and there is no yelling/drama/tears discussion about lunch boxes, uniforms, and missing backpacks. We have yet to be late for school. And it doesn't really matter who didn't get breakfast.

• While Texas is a great state for homeschooling. Our city is limited. Trying to put together a music program and get them involved in some physical activity during the day is turning out to be a challenge. That and it is still 173 degrees outside.

• I have only locked myself in the bathtub once and it was technically after bedtime...when I am off duty. Note: They weren't actually in bed...it was just after bedtime.... totally their daddy's problem.

• And I am feeling more like myself these last few days. Except myself is no longer blond.... I wanted to go darker for fall. So Fall, please arrive. I have gone darker just for you.

• My mother has often called me the princess of the world in a tone that wasn't meant to be featured in after school special and princess conjures up images of a girl who is immature, selfish, and indulged. All things I am trying to grow out of....

• But today I bought myself a book- A picture book. the secret lives of Princesses by Philippe Lechermeier

• The back says "As mysterious as they are beautiful, and as eccentric as they are intelligent, these fascinating royal ladies await your discovery." That is my kind of princess.

• I plan to ask for another copy for Christmas just because.... because I want to frame some of the illustrations. It's that beautiful!

• And validating.... p. 84 labeled Practical Guide. Everything You Need To Know About Princesses- tips and techniques to tell a true princess from a fake one:

A true princess never wears socks, not even in the middle of winter.

• And good advice. Under Tips and Techniques For Shushing A Princess

To this day there is no solution for shushing a princess.

Don't even bother.

• Heading to a tub to hide soon...but first I have to make brownies. It's my new thing....
  

Not a big fan

• Sleeping alone in a King Size Bed.


• Urgent Care. And kids who magically feel better after you whip out your debit card for a $100 co-pay.


• Really quiet houses.


• Crying.


• Not having anyone to lay with in bed and sort out your heart.


• And no one to make you popcorn.


• Being unfriended on Facebook...and in real life.


• Not being able to sleep.


• And a headache from crying.


• Depressing blog posts.

I am a big fan

• Phone calls from Africa ♥


• Laughing so hard that no sound comes out....and your stomach muscles ache.


• Fiesta Artichoke Spinach Party Dip Mix...sadly all gone.


• Spice Girls through the  Bose Surround Sound. Three Daughters. Dancing.


• Friends that have made my time without J an endless party. (Why haven't we been taking pictures?)


• Being unable to hang up on the phone no matter how late it is and how early you have to get up. ♥


• A new little space to call my own...where I can create, blog, and dream about new adventures.


• A cup full of brand new pencils...waiting to journal, doodle, and give dreams life on paper.


• My blog. And that you read it. And that you like it. (Or at least tell me you do.)


• Amazingly soft t-shirts that are ninety percent less toxic them my other clothing...and have a story....

About some stuff and more stuff…

• My husband is making me popcorn. It's the most amazing popcorn ever. Gorgonzola butter. No kids awake to spill it everywhere. Heaven.


• Lauren's post about our bath junkie adventure is just about ready. That means it is almost giveaway time. Soon one of you will be a bath junkie too!


• J is packing. Been reading about Ghana. He is really going. Starting to set in that we have not been apart this long before. I don't think I am going to be good at single parenting. In fact I am counting on it. Maybe then I will pleasantly surprise myself...and our kids.


• Went to Jason's deli for dinner. There was bickering, punching, shushing, tatlling, drama at the ice cream machine, and more. AND it wasn't our kids. Really. Sweet. Moment. So sweet I felt obligated to smile at the semi-apologetic  parents and tell them we were just glad that it wasn't our kids...this time. Our kids were just having an off night- it'll be us next time!


• It just occurred to me that I can make Mexican food for the next 17 days and there will be no one here to complain. At least no one who gets a vote. Meaning no one who brings home the bacon...or money to buy bacon. Yes. That. Is. Settled... enchiladas, taco salad, fajitas, tacos, nachos...repeat as necessary.


• Praying about heavy stuff. Trying to let Him carry it. Frustrated with myself that I keep taking it back.


• Really awesome worship tonight at RLF.


• Kaya is running a fever. Hoping it's not the beginning of the plague. Expecting that because I have an incredibly busy week and J is leaving on an international jet plane....it's likely the plague.

That's all.